Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
