He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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