Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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