you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
