i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
