She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
