he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
