No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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