Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
