so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
