Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
