you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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