You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize