I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
