My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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