But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
