i just google imaged poop.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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