I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
