see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize