omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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