I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
