Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i just had sex bonerless
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
