I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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