im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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