Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
