What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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