I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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