WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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