? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
