I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
