Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
