that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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