this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
