the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
