I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
