Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
