Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
