Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
