In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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