Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
