He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My friends, they love my intelligence
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
