If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
