I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
