Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
