I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
