i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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