Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
