Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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