just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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