just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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