Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
