I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize