Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
