He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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