Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
