i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
