I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
