now i know why i became what i already was.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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