turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize