Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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