I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
