I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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