Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
