i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
