Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
