Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
