: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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