My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
she pinky promised me she was 18
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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