I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize