My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
