I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I love you. Go after that dick
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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