Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
