I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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