oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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