i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
