oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
