ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
